Arranged Marriage and the Pursuit of Truth: The Relationship Between Human Beings and Knowledge

Traditional understandings of marriage—especially arranged marriages—hold an important place in the cultural and moral foundations of societies. However, this understanding often overlooks human individual will, personal thought, and the pursuit of truth. Although singer Yıldız Tilbe’s statement, “Women’s own choice of a husband is usually not right. Arranged marriage is the best,” reflects a common social belief, when examined closely from a Qur’an-centered perspective and the essence of Islam, this view can be questioned.
Does looking at a person mean more than seeing their outward appearance? Can one human being see another’s intellectual world? Or when someone else looks at a person on your behalf, what do they truly see? The answers to these questions depend on human nature (fitrah) and the values one believes in.
The Qur’an is full of verses that teach the difference between “looking” and “seeing.” In Surah Al-A‘raf 7:198, it is stated:
> “And if you invite them to guidance, they do not hear; and you see them looking at you, while they do not see.”
A person who lacks spiritual awareness may look but cannot truly see. True seeing is only possible with a soul that is alive and aware.
In this context, basing a life-changing decision such as marriage solely on external criteria or the observations of others makes it impossible to reach the truth.
Arranged marriages in the past were conducted under the initiative of families and neighborhood elders. However, this approach often reduced marriage to superficial criteria such as “the girl’s body measurements” and “the man’s financial status.” What began with invasive practices like bathhouse scrutiny later continued in different forms. This reality stands in clear contradiction to the ideal of marriage described in Surah Ar-Rum 30:21:
> “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses so that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who reflect.”
While the purpose of marriage is to establish love, mercy, and a shared life in servitude to Allah, traditional social structures have often obscured this divine purpose.
Unfortunately, the marriage understanding of traditional societies reflects a mindset distant from revelation. There is a common belief that age is directly proportional to knowledge and wisdom. However, this is not always true. Old age may bring experience, but if experience is not guided by knowledge and revelation, it does not lead a person to truth.
In Surah Maryam 19:43, Prophet Ibrahim is reported to have said to his father:
> “O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to a straight path.”
Age itself is not a virtue. Reaching truth is only possible through knowledge and revelation.
For a person to form an understanding of truth, they must be nourished by revelation. In traditional societies, unquestioning obedience to elders prevents individuals from pursuing knowledge and faith-based growth.
The Qur’an does not define marriage merely as a social institution but as a form of companionship in servitude to Allah. This companionship goes far beyond material or physical criteria. A believer chooses a spouse with a Rabbani understanding—one who dedicates themselves to Allah and revelation.
Therefore, the marriage choice of a true believer cannot be based on social pressure or superficial criteria. Marriage is about finding someone to walk together with in devotion and servitude to Allah.
Traditional understandings of society often contain elements that contradict the spirit of Islam. Practices such as bathhouse culture, neighborhood pressure, and arranged selection processes have, in some cases, led people into lifestyles that deviate from pure monotheism (tawhid).
In Surah At-Tawbah 9:28, it is stated:
> “O you who believe, indeed the polytheists are impure…”
Such practices are interpreted here as reflections of a flawed and corrupted mindset.
Traditional societies’ frequent emphasis on “family” is often an attempt to cover their own contradictions. While Islam bases the family on love and mercy, traditional mindsets often define it through material and superficial criteria.
Human beings can only perceive truth through revelation. A life detached from revelation leads one into ignorance and deviation. For a believer, marriage is not about material gain or tradition, but about spiritual companionship in the path of Allah.
Therefore, one must look at life, events, and people not through the eyes of others, but through revelation. Turning away from social impositions and holding firmly to Allah is the only way to reach truth.
Finally, it is worth recalling Surah Adh-Dhariyat 51:56:
> “And I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me.”
Marriage—like every aspect of life—must ultimately be oriented toward this divine purpose in order to lead a person to true peace and fulfillment.